Current mood:	amused
Current music:	A big ball of… wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey… Stuff.
Entry tags:	detective conan, detective conan/magic kaito, magic kaito, series:rooftop conversations

Title: Marry, Shag, Throw off a Cliff
Author: Icka! M. Chif
Word Count: 871
Rating: Teen for Naughty Language and Slash Potential
Author Notes: Sprung from a discussion with Gracie about this video with John Barrowman and David Tennant. I still say Kaito's answer would vary depending on which version of him you were dealing with at the time.
Follows Archetypes.
Summary: Conan and the Kaitou Kid, sitting on the roofotp, eating popsicles and discussing who they would Marry, Shag or Throw off a Cliff.

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“Marry, Shag or Throw off a Cliff?”

”Eh?” Conan looked sideways at his night time companion.

”I said-“ The Kaitou Kid licked the side of his popsicle before the dark purple berry stain reached his white gloves before repeating himself. “Marry, Shag or Throw off a Cliff.”

”Yes.” Conan frowned, wondering not for the first time about the thief’s sanity. “I thought that’s what you said.”

”Marry, Shag or Push off a Cliff. Bed, Wed or Dead. However you want to put it.” The Kid shrugged. “It’s a game. Marriage would be for life, Shag would be a one-night stand you’d never seen again and push off a cliff, they’re splat, dead. So between myself, Hattori Heiji and the Neechan sleeping below, which would you choose?”

”Which I would Marry, which I would ‘Shag’-“

”Or Fuck!” The Kid said, the word sounding cheerfully vulgar on his tongue. Conan ignored him.

”-And which one I would Throw off a Cliff.” He finished dryly.

”Yup.” The Kid swung his foot, looking amused. But then he usually did, from what little Conan could see of his face.

”And you’re asking -me- this.” Conan added sceptically. Him. The one stuck in the body of an elementary school student. Which meant all he could do was stand there while Ran smiled and giggled when guys flirted with her and Sonoko. And could only offer empty platitudes when she then cried on the phone because she missed him. He glowered and sucked on his orange popsicle.

Life sucked.

He got a shrug in return. “You’re the one who keeps going on about having your original brain in a tiny body.” The thief pointed out. “It’s a game. Relax, would you? It’s not a life or death decision.”

Even if it sort of was, since they were talking about pushing someone off a cliff. “Fine.” He sighed. “Between Yourself, Hattori and Ran, I’d marry Ran, have a one-night affair with Hattori and throw you off a cliff, because you’d probably enjoy it with that hang-glider of yours.”

”See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Kid asked, giving him a small salute with the mixed berry popsicle.

Conan gave him a dirty look back. The ‘Push off a Cliff’ option was sounding good, even if the hang-glider made it a moot point. He glanced down at the street below them. Although, four stories wasn’t quite enough distance for a glider to work well….

”Hattori, Hakuba Saguru and Myself.” He countered pointing his popsicle at the Kaitou Kid. “Marry, Shag or Throw off a Cliff?”

”Hmmm.” The Kid made a thoughtful noise as he stuck the popsicle in his mouth and meditatively slowly push/pulled it in and out. Conan bit the end off of his, looking out into the distance again. The Kid just had to bring the most phallic food he could find tonight, didn’t he? “Couldn’t I just shag you all before throwing you off a cliff?”

”No.”

”Ah, well.” The Kid leaned backwards, looking up at the sky. “It was a lovely thought.” He said with such a pleased wistful tone that Conan wasn’t entirely sure it was faked. He almost asked Kid if he was thinking individually or all together for that particular activity, then bit down on his popsicle instead, the sudden burst of cold giving him a brain freeze. He grimaced, rubbing his head.

”Hmm. Well.” Kid said, giving him a concerned look that he waved off. “If I married Hakuba, I’d pretty much be guaranteed a clean house.”

”Yeah, but you’d have to put up with him every day of your life.” Conan pointed out. Not that he had much against the other detective, but there really was only so much sarcasm one could handle in their daily life before wanting to kill someone.

”Point.” The Kid nodded, licking his popsicle again. “Then I’d Marry Hattori, Shag Hakuba and throw you off a cliff!” He said brightly.

”What?” Conan sat upright. “Why?!”

”I’d Shag Hakuba because then I could see if there really was a stick up his arse-“ Kid listed off and Conan made a mental note to repeat that to the British Detective at his nearest convenience. “-Hattori I’d Marry cause he seems like he’d be rather laid back and flexible and I’d throw you off a cliff because either of the former activities would break more legal and moral rules than I care to think of, your original age or not.”

So he’d rather kill him instead. Lovely. “And if I was my original form?”

”Then I’d shag you and throw Hakuba off a cliff.” The Kid said matter-of-factly. “-But not before shagging him first.”

Conan thought about it for a minute, nibbling on the end of the sticky sweet sugar coated stick. “So what you’re saying...” He drawled slowly. “Is that no matter how you look at it, you’re ending up screwed by a detective.”

Although, technically, the detectives were generally the ones getting screwed during a Kaitou Kid heist. So a bit of turnabout seemed to be fair play.

Especially when the Kaitou Kid makes a sulking noise, resting his chin on a hand, elbow on one bent knee. “Couldn’t I be thrown off the cliff instead?”

-fin-